


Castiel's Emotions

by BrightBlueBloodRed



Series: Charlie's Angels - Tidbits [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angelic Lore, Castiel Deals With Human Emotions, Emotions, Ramblings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-29
Updated: 2018-05-29
Packaged: 2019-05-15 15:12:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14792870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrightBlueBloodRed/pseuds/BrightBlueBloodRed
Summary: Castiel thinks through some new insights into his emotions as an angel and now as a human. With some light Crowstiel flavouring.~ The way the show portrays angelic emotion kinda irritates me - coz they claim angels are less emotional than humans, but we see them acting out of extreme emotion all the time. So this is sort of my way of rationalising that into something that I like. Angels definitely don't feel/express emotion in the same way as humans, but they are able to empathise with them (we see this with Cas all the time) and act out of the same emotional drives (love, hate, jealously, anger). Soyeah, this is my idea of how that works :)





	Castiel's Emotions

It wasn’t that angels didn’t have emotions – Lucifer alone was proof that they did – but they were spread out over eons, felt deeply and slowly. Since falling in with Sam and Dean, Castiel had been overwhelmed by the dizzying array of feelings they expected of him in even one interaction. It certainly hadn’t helped that Naomi and her colleagues had been doing their best to suppress angelic emotion ever since God left – part of the Archangels’ desperate attempts to retain order and prevent the rise of a second Adversary. Leaving the garrison, Castiel had gradually felt his thoughts becoming his own, the slow tidal wave of feeling swamping the numbness of obedience. It had been confusing, revitalising, motivating, and all the more so with Dean Winchester there, inciting happiness, provoking anger, demanding remorse.

Working with Crowley had been easier. The demon hadn’t needed Cas to display how much he cared or to act out of anything other than intellectual requirement. He hadn’t asked for friendship, but Castiel had been drawn to him nevertheless. His energy and confidence had been captivating, and for a while it had felt almost like working for Heaven again, but with a thrilling undertone of rebellion and risk. Naturally, the demon had been manipulating him – using the very emotions Cas thought he dismissed to push and pull him into line. But in a secret part of himself, Cas couldn’t help missing those days. Crowley had given him purpose within his newfound freedom, and relief from the Winchesters’ constant vacillation between love and anger, acceptance and blame. And perhaps the demon hadn’t been so ambivalent towards friendship as Cas had assumed. Neither of them fit anywhere but with each other – unless that was just another lie Crowley wanted Cas to believe.

Now, of course, Castiel knew the quicksilver shift of human emotion. His body responded so quickly, releasing chemicals and tensing muscles before Cas was even aware of the cause. He felt he understood now why humans were able to behave so decisively and so rashly – his emotions urged him to act, and sometimes they were so sure that doubt seemed an impossibility. At other times, of course, the doubt paralysed him. After rebelling, he thought he’d known doubt, the questioning of orders and the sick twisting wrongness in his essence every time he tugged at Heaven’s lies. But this feeling sank into his bones and left him weak and shaken, terrified and strangely alive. Maybe this was what free will truly was, this fear and fervour. This was humanity.


End file.
